*Trigger Warning: This post discusses self harming behaviour. If you are affect by this post then please seek professional help and support.
This week I wanted to shed light on a disorder I don’t know a lot about. I’ll hold my hands up and admit it. I have a few friends with borderline personality disorder, but unfortunately I don’t know a lot about it, so that’s why I wanted to let Kerry Elliot speak on my blog this week. Kerry has a wheely interesting way of supporting her recovery.
BPD is short for Borderline Personality Disorder. It is where you struggle to deal with emotions in a rational manner. It is sometimes known as EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder) or as “we” use it EID (emotional intensity disorder).
I have suffered with BPD for as long as I can remember but have only just been diagnosed within the past 6 years when my self harm became a lot worse and I had to visit hospital.
Around 18 months ago, when I got out of the psychiatric ward, I decided to join my local roller derby team (roller discos had just started locally and the girls were there sparking my interest).
It helped me go from strength to strength with the support of my new team mates.
I struggled with my weight and I would find I was doing well and then because of the symptoms of my BPD, I’d not be able to skate for a few weeks. When I did get back on my skates I felt I had to start again.
There are skills you need to pass as a roller derby skater and i was just getting so close then the blip would make me fall further behind.
I realised with my anxieties there was no way I would ever be able to play an actual game through anxieties of travelling to even watch games, let alone play in them.
I stopped skating and started helping my fiancee at the Brownies. Brownies has done so much more for my confidence and self esteem than the skating ever did.
I am hoping once I lose some weight I will get back to skating just to help train the newbies as I still love my team mates.
Years ago, I used to be controlled by my emotions. If plans were changed I’d think the world was ending and would end up self-harming.
I have been to so many different groups and 1-2-1 services and learnt so many different tools to help control my impulses and emotions and over the years it has worked.
Now, I am only left struggling with self harming behaviour, now that most of the unhelpful emotions are under control.
In October last year, I started a project called “the little box of distractions”.
It provides a free box of distractions to anyone with mental health issues who need help distracting themselves from the unhealthy impulses.
I have raised £1,000 so far and am now in the process of registering it as a charity.
Keeping on top of the requests, posting and sourcing bargains for the boxes is in itself distracting me from harming.
I do still have blips but we all do and that’s OKAY.