Are you the person that keeps everything together? The person that doesn’t let anything get to them, until everything pops out? The person that is the ‘strong one’ in the family? Well what happens when you don’t want to be this strong person anymore?
I am the strong person in my family. I am resilient. I am strong. There are only so many times that you can tell yourself this. No-one can always be strong. No-one! Everyone needs to be the ‘weak one’ at some point. And that’s okay. I’ve realised that it is never okay to try to maintain my resilience, because things happen in life that you can’t control and then this knocks you. It happens. But then you have to stop being the strong one and it is tough.
You need to be that person once in a while that lets everything out. You need to tell people how you are feeling, otherwise people may assume that you are okay. Even when you know you aren’t. That isn’t fair on you. I always used to tell myself – it’s okay, I can handle it. But sometimes you can’t.
I remember breaking down in tears when I didn’t want to be strong anymore. Showing my emotions was a surprise to everyone, because I’d always get the same reply – ‘but I thought you were okay with everything…’. In reality I wasn’t.
Now I’ve learnt that I can be strong but tell other people my thoughts and feelings. That makes me a strong person too, as I realise when things are getting to me and I have the strength to tell someone. That isn’t a weakness. It means that i am aware of myself and that something in my life is affecting me.
There is nothing wrong with ‘backing down’ as my family put it. It shows courage, rather than stupidity. You aren’t being honest to yourself or others if you don’t say something. Try it, because you’ll feel stronger afterwards.