Being a perfectionist is like breaking a glass and wanting to put it back together the same way it was before it broke. Making sure every piece is lined up exactly. It becomes obsessive. Checking and checking and checking. I guess me being a perfectionist comes with having obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and anxiety. It isn’t easy. Everything that I get wrong or don’t do well in chips away at my confidence. I let it knock my confidence a lot. After I’ve reflected it makes me more determined. I find myself wanting to improve all of the time which isn’t a bad thing. I am always trying to find what I can do better and what I can do to be the best. I never settle for second best though which takes it’s toll. I put 100% and more into everything I do and it pushes me to my limits. I like a challenge of course but I do put myself under a lot of pressure. I do need to learn to control this. I hate being wrong, though I know I’m not always right. I dislike not having a lot of confidence despite what I have in life and the opportunities I have. It really does suck being a perfectionist.
It really upsets me when I’m not the best in the class, it has always been that way. Hard work doesn’t always pay off I know that and neither does being a perfectionist or having OCD and anxiety. It beats you down, every little mistake. The mistakes feel big to me though. You can never get 100% in something as there is always room to improve, but for a perfectionist like me getting that 100% would be well…perfect!
Thought I’d write this blog post to show what it is like to want 100% in everything and to be perfect even though it’s idealistic rather than realistic. I’d rather show the bad side of being a perfectionist rather than the good as it doesn’t always go well!